aCrappyStoryThatWillTakeForeverToBeUpdated
by Captain Cutlas
Summary: A world of randomness that will blow that hat right off your dog's head! Be prepared for hot rodent love! Yea!
1. Default Chapters are nice

HOLY SWISS CHEESE! It's a Naruto story! I haven't written anything in forever. I can't read my own hand writing so I only type stories out. And then my comp. completely died and my mom threw it away. SOOOOOO…..A few months later, a new computer, and insomnia have prompted me to weave a tale….

A Really Crappy Story That'll Take Forever to be Updated

The sun's golden rays gleamed down upon all of Konoha, slicing an unweary ninja in half. Fluffy clouds danced against blue backdrop and all was well (except for the dead ninja).With a sugar coated yawn, Naruto rolled out of bed and onto his walrus friend Pickles.

"Time for another great day doing ninja things, that being things that ninjas (such as myself) do! Ha ha! There's a monkey in my butt!" Striking a heroic pose, which fell down a flight of stairs after Naruto's attack. He then proceded to leap out his window!

"Rabble rabble! Time for yet another terrible day full of thoughts of revenge," Saskue squeezed out between a loaf of ham. "How can I be a bastard today and blame it all on my past? Hmm…Huuuu…..weeee…" Riding upon his favorite horse on the merry-go-round, Sasuke thought…

"It's time for another Sasuke-lovin' filled day!" Brushing her pink hair, Sakura squeeled. "I can't wait to reject Naruto some more! I love to crush his heart and ruin all hopes he'll ever have of love! Sweee piggy! That's good eatin'!"

And on the other side of town in a trash can that even a can of olives would be jealous of, a dark and ominous figure waited…

"Can you hear me now?" With the rage of a stampeding mouse, Orochimaru threw down his Verizon Wireless cell phone.

"Damnit all to a cheese cake! I can't even get service behind a spooky, uninviting alleyway! If a villain can't talk on his cell phone while trying to be dark and ominous then what's the use! I'll have to beat Kabuto with a homeless man's boot again!"

And now! Back to the good guys!

"Good grief! Kakashi-sensei is late again!" Sakura moaned and wailed as she clung to Sasuke.

_ God damn hippie! Let me goooooo! You bellowing is attracting the squirrels and I don't want them to know I've stuffed my underwear full of their acorns and nuts!_ With a frustrated grunt, Sasuke slithered out of Sakura's grass and into a near-by drainage pipe.

"Oh my sweet hairy knuckles on a fat man! I made it!" A disheaveled Kakashi flopped down onto the ground next to Naruto.

"I fell into a puddle and a shark attacked me!" Kakashi cried as he flopped about, soaking wet and bleeding from his rear. "I thought I was ganna die! Thank God for you three being here! I need medical help!

Frowning and placing his hands on his hips, Naruto gave Kakashi his most I-don't-believe-you face while tapping his foot impatiently.

"Kaaaakaaaashi! You're lying! Stop being late! Jeeze! This isn't fun on a bun yah know!" Both Naruto and Sakura screeched like howler monkies.

"No! I'm not joking! I'm in serious pain! Oh gooooooood……It hurts! There's a fish in my sock!" Blood squirted out of Kakashi's butt as he lay in a heap.

"Psssh," Sasuke turned his back on them doing his best to look cool and aloof.

And so the day continues…


	2. Chapter 2

And now for some random items that have nothing to do with anything you read previously!

A Really Crappy Story That'll Take Forever to be Updated 

"So...How's it goin'?" Naruto looks up at the giant trapped Nine Tails fox while rubbing the back of his head.  
With a snort the demon fox prlied, "Oh the usual. Trapped inside the mind of a child." 

Saskue and Itachi star at each other. The minutes stretch on. Neither say a thing to the other.  
"Can I borrow some money?" Itachi holds out his hand and Saskue does a face plant.

Orochimaru and Kabuto are playing poker. The stakes are high. Kabuto is betting his body...

Oh my God! I can't do this crap any more! I have Star Wars on my mind! I gatta do something with Darth Vader!  
No Anime for now! Go some where else. This is shit. I have no idea why I'm even posting it. I'm not author!  
I'm a fool! 


	3. Mooo!

"Onions and pickles! Good in my burger!" The noble and brave Hokage of Konoha village strutted down the streets of his quaint little town. He couldn't eveer stop himself from a dandy stroll when the rain was pouring. It kept those good for nothin citizens out of his way..

Just then a very skinny, fem figure leapt out from a dumpster, "Ha! I've got you now Sarutobi! Hee hee!...Ho ho...Ha ha...HAHAHAHAA! HOHOHOH HEEE! HAHAHHAHA!" Orochimaru laughed until he coughed up his left lung. All the years of manical, evil laughter caused him to have an illness know as "Badguylaughakimia"

"Oh, tsk tsk tsk...tut, tut, tut...Orochimaru, my beloved student. Why would you turn the way of evil?" Thick, fat rain drops plastered their head tightly to their skulls. Neither dared to make a move. Sarutobi held his breath, awaiting Orochimaru's reply.

Slowly, a malicious grin spread across the serpent like face. "Because, there's free peanuts over here." Face Plant?

On the other side of the village, Kakashi's little gang of ninjas in training followed him about. The sun smiling down upon them.

"Awww man, why can't it be raining? Like over there?" Naruto pointed to the half of Konoha that was experiencing the downpour. Little did he know, a great battle was being waged.

"Nooogy!" The Third Hokage grabbed Orochimaru's wet head and ground his nuckled into his skull.

"Ahhh! You old fart! Wet Willy!" He retaliated with a rather fierce tongue into the Hokage's ear.

Growling angry, Sarutobi flung mud in Orochimaru's direction causing him to trip in his attempt to escape. The two enemies began to mud wrestle in their bikinis.

"Oh yea! Get down!" Kabuto clutched a bag of popcorn in anti-anti-anticipation! Ho ho!

Without warning, the rain moved to the other side of the village and everything was peaceful once again.


	4. Flowers are nice

"Well curdle mah toes!" Kibimaru danced a jig of the Irish. "I didna expect you to be back so soon!"

Orochimaru glared chipmunks in Kibimaru's direction. After his tussle with the 4th Hokage he wiggled his way back to the Hidden Village of Sound. All he wanted to do was soak his buns in some nice meat juice. BUT NO! Kibimaru had cooked all the meat! There was not even a drop of sausage left.

"HOW COULD YOU MR. BONES?" Spit flew everywhere, impaling those who could not escape their malice laden wetness. Orochimaru practically tore his long black pubic-uh ….head hair? Out in frustration….

Kibimaru picked his teeth with on of his bones as he looked down at the floor, ashamed.

"Aww shuck…you know I can't stay mad at you, baby," Orochi (ha ha! nickname? eh?) quaffed some honey.

"Let's watch squirrels have sex!"

"WEEEEE! THANK YOU OROCHIMARU! I'm dying…."

Later……….

"Oh yea…eeee….chet cheeet!" A squirrel moaned, its little paws handcuffed above its head to a wee wooden peg. Hee hee…them tiny little handcuffs! Could you imagine them? COULD YOU!

A chipmunk dressed in very sexy rodent leather cracked a whip seductively. Both unaware to the set of eyes peering into their little tree trunk, fantasy sex hut.

"BREAK ME! CHEET CHET! CHEAT!" The squirrel arched its furry back as the chipmunk closed its hot little lips around…Good God! I'M SICK! HOLY FUCK! AIIIIEEEEE! I THROW MYSELF OFF A CLIFF INTO A FIREY PIT NOT! SQUIRRELS LOVING CHIPMUNKS! THAT'S JUST SICK! I'm sorry…I can't continue….maybe I'll just make a detailed sex scene between two squirrels…yea….that'll be alright….


	5. swee piggy

I just captured this wild bird…Yep…hmmm, it was hoppin' about with an injured wing and what not. I'm takin' it to a wild life shelter tomorrow. Did I mention some lady actually caught it? Yeaaa….she russled it up in the yard. I provided the shoe box. And since I know where them shelters be and what not…I'm stuck with the rascal. He's soft. I call him Senior Injury…

OH GOD! THEM WEE HANDCUFFS! JEZUS CHRIST! Oh…yea…the story…Here it goes!

"Cheet cheet!" The fuzzy lil chipmunk ran it's paws up the squirrels flank to fondle it's hanging…fur balls! Hashanah! Holy shit! I can't stop thinking' about them teeny little creatures doin' it! What's worse, is that they aren't even the same species! I mean, are you with me? Huh? CROSS-SPECIES SEXUAL RELATIONS!

"That was hot, Orochi-sama!" Kibimaru still imagined the thrusts and groans of them little critters.

"Oh yes indeed! Would you like a ride home little fella?" Putting on his most disarming smile, Orochimaru held his hand out to the dying Kibimaru.

Kibimaru screwed up his face in extreme concentration. He then gave Orochi a long hard, stare. Orochi wore a thin white t-shirt that read "Boys and Girls Club"; bright blue short shorts; a filthy baseball cap on his head; and them hideous Dock martin sandal things with socks that everyone had to have! Do you remember those? Them horrible brown sandals? I remember them! Everyone had them and I was uncool cause I didn't have a pair! But come on! Come on! They were disgusting! Seriously! The real losers were the ones who fought each other at Payless for a pair of ugly $35 dollar sandals!

Or how about Eiffel 65's song Blue? Do you remember when everyone was humming or singing "I'm blue dabba dee dabba die"? Cause I do! Once again, I was the loser who had never heard of them or their song! It was so amazingly popular! I had to hear them! But I was sheltered! So one day I snuck over to Fred Meyers and listened to them on those head sets…THEY WERE TERRIBLE! WHAT THE HELL! I WA STHE WEIRDO CAUSE I DIDN'T LISTEN TO THEM! I BEG TO DIFFER! Jeez….


End file.
